Rex in the City

We here at the City love crime. We love crime because crime pays. Crime pays big time. Crime is great for readership, because our readers love crime too, and that means that our advertisers love crime as well. Crime makes everyone happy.

At the City we love crime almost as much as the Herald Sun. So you can imagine our surprise and disappointment today when we read in that prudishly principled party pooper of a paper, the Age, that Victoria has the second lowest crime rate in the nation next to Tasmania.

As we’ve explained in the past crime is good for the economy, and this information is conclusive proof that the economy going backwards. The rate things are going, soon we won’t be able to look down our noses at Tasmania.

There is a deadly serious side to this though. The article also points out “that Victoria had the highest rate of people charged with causing death by driving” and “that Victorians were more likely to be killed on the roads than people in other states”.

So despite crime being down, and murder being down, the road deaths are up, and in addition to the tragedy that that is, there is also that sad fact that that just doesn’t sell papers.

Now we all know what a band of thieves the state government is for trampling on the civil liberties of the Victorian motorist, and that the crusade against the Victorian motorist has already been brought as close to total victory as it is likely to get. And so we call on the Victorian government to redeploy their “band of thieves” to “the beat”.

We need a visible police presence here on the streets, and the only way to do this without actually increasing the budget is to take them off the highways. A visible police presence will do two things. It’ll fix up our problem with the perception of crime, which is way out of control at present, and it’ll give us something to write about when there’s no more terror.

# posted by Rex @ 10:52 am