Monday, April 11, 2005


Crime Waive

Crime. We all know how important it is. How necessary it is for our way of life, as a means of generating wealth. We all know the economic benefit it brings to the big end of town. How it improves automobile sales, moves more plasma TVs, sells newspaper and gets politicians elected. These things are well understood by the movers and shakers in Melbourne town. If there wasn’t crime to worry about, with the population staying safely indoors, then who knows how out of control things might get?

The worry is though, that crime is on the decrease. According to Victoria Police statistics from 2002/2003 to 2003/2004 crime dropped 7.3%. That’s a scary statistic in anyone’s language. We’re heading into uncharted territory folks, and unless things start looking up, I’ll be in the first plane to Bogotá.

That’s why we here at The City can’t understand the irresponsible position taken by The Herald Sun, Australia’s most popular newspaper.

The Herald Sun in a stunning display of tactical incompetence has blown the whistle on the secret plans to fix the problem. Today’s headlines scream “Jail break: one in four criminals set free” , and then they add to this error by editorializing about our revolving door justice system.

Now boys. If you’d been listening to the old timer hacks when you were under their tutelage, sinking pots at the Duke of Wellington, you’d `a known that you can’t just go and stuff it up for everyone else. Your big headline now, might attract a bit of short term benefit. Might create an upward blip on your declining readership figures, but you're forgetting about the longer term strategy you dunderheads.

Just like the rest of us, you need crime up, not down. And by pointing this out you’ve blown the gig. How are we going to get the crime stats going in the right direction, and increase your own readership figures, if you interfere in this way? Crime sells papers. Write it out a hundred times. Get it into your thick skulls or I’ll tell Rupert on ya.

Think next time!

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