Sunday, March 20, 2005


Say it aint so...

Could Melbourne's love affair with black be over? asks The Age. And an important question it is to. Black might not be the favoured shade anymore of Country Road customers opines Sophie Holt, creative director. "They're begging for more fashion" apparently.

This my friends in nothing short of a disaster! Melbourne is black! Ok, a worn, faded, dandruff dusted, saggy bottomed black I have to admit, but black nonetheless.

I recall flying into Melbourne direct from LA a few years back, and the American couple in the seat behind were looking out the window on the approach to Tullamarine. They were thrilled an astonished even this early in their journey. "Its so green", I heard the wife say, "all the trees", then as we approached lower. "And all the roofs of the houses. They're all red". (the red tiled roofs you understand). "Do you think its the law to have red roofs?" she asked her husband. "It looks so pretty".

The same could be said by visiters to Melbourne about our penchant for black. "Do you think its the law that all the office workers, and the clubbers, and the dirty sweaty rockers at the Corner wear black?"

No its not the law luv. It's just that we in Melbourne have got an innate sense of cool. Its about individualism. Its an individual thing, and yes we are all individuals.

Some people like to rationalise it. "Oh blacks easy, you don't have to think". Well that's bullshit! In the darkened gloom of a cold winter morning, you'd better think, or those navy blue socks in your draw will appear to be black when you pull them on, and you are going to look like a right duffer for the rest of the day.

Don't let those sunny Sydneysiders seduce you with their garish colours, their loudness. Because let me tell you loud is just so passe.

Its fightback time my friends. We can't have some Sydneysiders or creative fashionazis telling us what to think and believe.

You know your comfortable in it, so be comfortable and proud. Do a Winmar. Lift up your woolly black jumper and point proudly at your black Gunners T-Shirt underneath. Girls, do what ever it is you do with your decolletage and black lacy push ups. It works let me tell you. It works!

Don't ever forget. We are like Ali, black supermen. We are bootyliceous black mammas. We are black. .... We are proud!

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