Wednesday, July 13, 2005


President Rex responds to September 11.

Tim Blair issues a provocation. "You are the President of the United States on September 11, 2001. How do you respond to the attacks of that day, and to the wider issues of North Korea, Iran, and Iraq?"

Date: September 11 – Time 9:15 am

“Wha? You’re joshin’! A plane’s run into the towers?.” Here Kids”, (tosses book to nearest sixth grader), “I’m off to save civilization”

“Get Me Condi on the line” (grabs phone), “Condi, what’s the deal?”….”Planes have hit the towers”, Uh Huh. Suspected Terrorists”, “ Ok Condi, here’s what you do. Shut down the Air System, get the Air-Force up and at em and do what ever you can to stop this thing in its tracks. Go to it girlfriend”

“Now get me the CIA chief Tenet” (grabs phone) “George, what have you got for me? Terrorists – yeah I know that – what kind?” (listens intently), “ OK Islamic terrorists, Just like you and Richard Clarke said huh?, This Al Qaeda crowd you think huh? Run by this Saudi Billionaire fellow, Bin Laden. Right. What about Iraq and Saddam? Not involved? Right just Bin Laden then."

"OK, George, firstly I want to say this. You blokes were right. President Clinton was also right to make these guys top priority. All I can say is we missed the ball on that one. It’s Mea Culpa, but no use getting hung up on that now. I’ll have to wear that hit. Now listen, here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to stop any rich Saudis leaving the country. I don’t care who they are. I know these people, and I know that they’re all related to this Bin Laden fellow. We’re going to squeeze every drop if information out of them before we let them go. Also George, I need you to tell me where this Bin Laden is. We’re going to take him out……. Oh, and George… One more thing…. arrest Dad!”

“Now get me Secretary of State Powell on the line” (grabs phone) “ Colin, I’m afraid this means travel for you my friend. I know how you don’t like travel, but we’ve got to ride the wave of sympathy. We’ve got to use it. This is gold plated political capital we’ve got coming our way from all four corners of the world. We’re going to take the lead, and we’re going to mobilise world opinion to the cause of rooting out Islamic extremism… Oh, and Colin, get on to Sharon and tell him we’re in charge, and if he puts one finger wrong, if he does anything, anything at all without first running it by me, then all foreign aid and military aid to his country stops right now”

“Now get me Secretary of Defence Rumsfeld on the phone” (grabs phone) “Don…. You’re at the Pentagon and a plane hit it?…. Are you alright?…… You want to attack Saddam? Hang on Don, George tells me Saddam had nothing to do with it…..You still want to take out Saddam?, Don, I think you’re in shock mate, I’ll have to stand you down until your head’s a bit clearer, who’s your deputy? ......... Wolfowitz? No way Jose! I need someone who’s actually fought in a war as Acting Secretary of Defence, not some bloody latte sipping academic. Find someone and get back to me will you? We’re going after terrorists. That’s different from dictators Don. Sometimes they might be the same thing, but we’re not going to make sweeping assumptions here Don. We’re going by the facts”

“Now get me Vice President Cheney on the line” (grabs phone) “ Dick… you’re fired!…. Why?….Nothing personal Dick, but I think you’re a cruel, twisted and evil man, with a cruel twisted and evil looking mouth. The mouth’s a dead giveaway Dick, it says that you’re a fucken psycho, and we need cool heads around here in these times of crisis.

Date: September 11 – Time 9:45am

(President Rex, Looks at his watch. Thirty minutes have passed since first being informed of the terrible events in New York and Washington. The schoolchildren are happily reading among themselves. America might be under attack, but wisdom, foresight and truth will keep these beautiful little kids safe. A tear wells in Rex’s eye as he looks at the children and contemplates briefly those who have perished. It emboldens him and gives him the courage of his convictions. It gives him the impetus to lead from the front, as is the responsibility of the leader of the most advanced and imaginative nation on Earth.)

“Now get me Air Force One on the line” (grabs phone) “Captain Rodgers…. I want you to meet me at the tarmac, and set a course for New York. There’s people there that need saving”

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