Wednesday, June 08, 2005


Beer Blowout Blamed on Bully IRC Bombshell

It was the last hurrah for the Australian Industrial Relations Commission yesterday as the big government bandwagon spluttered to a stop on the highway to Battlerville.

And none too soon according to Brian Kearney president of the Australian Hotels Association who blamed this week’s ten cents price rise for a pot of beer on the decision to grant an extra $17 per week to the nations lowest paid workers.

“We figured we’d better get in for our chop first”, said Mr. Kearney, “After all they’re either going to piss it up against the wall, feed it into a pokie, or spend it on cigs, so better it goes into the pocket of my members, eh?”

When The City queried this explanation, pointing out that he used a different argument in the Herald Sun : That the price rise was inevitable because of the now increased operating costs due to higher wages, Mr Kearney agreed that it was also a good line, but he’d forgotten it just now.

We asked Mr. Kearney how we would know the right time to raise prices in the future without the big, well publicised signals coming from the IRC.

“Its going to be difficult, I’d be the first to admit that, but we’ve got our marketing boys on the job. All we need is some plausible excuse, and I’m sure, with the high salaries we’re paying our boffins, they’ll be able to figure something out”

The City visited a local bar to gauge the reaction of drinkers to the shocking news. “What of it”, said Aaron Clauzwitz, a corporate lawyer for a large multinational, who was celebrating a recent supreme court victory. “Ten cents hey?, well I guess I’ll just have to dig deep to find the necessary finances. Maybe the wife’ll have to skip a Pilates class or two”

So there we have it. People are suffering out there, and its because of all of those Nanny State institutions that still linger on, strangling this country, and squeezing the poor battler dry.

The sooner we get trickle down economics going, and then concentrate on fixing the leaks, the better we’ll all be.

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