Monday, May 09, 2005


Drug Shock Horror at Logies

Australia’s most popular newspaper The Herald Sun reports today that Australia’s own star studded event, the Logies is a shocking cesspit of immorality, rife with the consumption of illicit drugs such as cocaine and speed.

The Herald Sun it seems have sent their own morality police sniffing around the dunnies at Crown Casino and taken swabs from goodness knows where and sent them off to the lab to be analysed, and the results are worse that could be expected. 14 out of 20 returned evidence of good shit.

It turns out this isn’t the first time that the Herald Sun have sent their morality police out into the pulsing Melbourne nightlife either. They’ve put the footy players under the microscope as well after taking samples from the dunnies at the Brownlow night. The results however have been kept secret until now, where the Herald Sun can reveal that the footy players are just a bunch of loudmouth pissheads, and quite harmless.

I’m looking forward to the day when the Herald Sun’s morality police are patched into the 000 emergency number and Melbournians can feel free to dob their neighbor in if they suspect that things are not above board at the 18th birthday party next door. Herald Sun journalists will leap out of their tactical response vehicle and burst through the doors. Notepad in one hand, evidence collection kit in the other. Snapping photos of underage persons knocking back the punch, or sneaking a sly ciggie in the shed.

Naming and shaming. That’s the only way to keep control in this lawless province.

It’s comforting to know that The Herald Sun is on the case.

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