Monday, April 04, 2005


Cheerio Cheerleader

Okay. Sure I live in an AFL State, and as a result I’m supposed to follow the home grown game. I’m supposed to tip my money into the tin each week to play the office “footy tipping”. But, I’m sorry. I can’t summon the interest, and no, it’s not because of Eddie McGuire, or that the game’s gone too commercial and has lost its suburban feel, its tribal origins. After all, what is the essence of the tribal origins if not some overweight live-in-a-shoe family, wrapped in footy scarves and beanies, encamped on too-small fold-out chairs, listening to commercial talk back at 100 decibels, shoving sauce filled pies into their eager gobs, while waiting in the ticket queue? Each to his own - yeah sure, but never an attractive look for mine!

No it’s not that the game’s too commercial. It’s that it doesn’t have any Cheerleaders. Apart from a brief flirtation with gratuitous fluff in the 80’s, the AFL has litteraly dropped the ball on the “nubile chicks bouncing around with very short skirts” front.

No my friends I have signed my allegiance over to Rugby League. The only code in Australia focusing on the full entertainment package.

A recent survey confirms my opinion: Tammy, Tiffany and Shaun all acknowledge that the best thing about Rugby League is the cheerleaders. Now if that is all that Rugby League has going for it, and yet it still draws a respectable crowd, imagine the pulling power that AFL would have if they would only put the girls on the pedestal where they belong.

So you can imagine my horror, when I hear that the one form of American Cultural Imperialism that I’m dying to see swamp us, is going to be turned off at the source. It seems that in America, the birthplace of the cheerleader, in fact in George Bush’s Texas, they're trying to clamp down on the cheerleaders and their delightful antics.

Representative (read Repressive) Al. Edwards has introduced a bill aimed squarely at the cheerleaders overly suggestive lunges and inside-hitch pyramids. “It's just too sexually oriented, you know, the way they're shaking their behinds and going on, breaking it down” said Mr Edwards.

Well, duh, isn’t that the point?

Fear of Cheerleaders, joins fear of Terrorism and Fear of Big Government among America’s top worries, while the new fundamentalism of the Republican right is determined to export all the bad things about America and kill off all the bits that we love.

I hope the Cheerleaders win this one. Certainly I’ll be rooting for them.

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I'm glad you've seen the light and came to the correct side/code of football.
Did I have any option?
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